“WHO am I becoming, NOW?” This issue occupies my “reflections” these days. (This has to be a common issue in the retirement years.)

After almost 3 years of living the cruising life, and over a year of being full timers in the RV world, we bought the home in Bradenton, furnished it, made it ours. Sara moved in and there are now the 3 of us here. We are living very comfortably. We even have room to have guests, when they come! I now have time for the things that I did not have time to do when we were so busy moving around, moving in and having all those adventures.

I think that since Sara came to live with us, I have taken on the Mom roll too much. At first there were some things I wanted and needed to do with her and for her. And, of course, I will keep being a Mom, to some extent. But, I am putting too much energy into “helping” Sara and thinking about her future, and not enough into finding out what I will do. Sara will figure her life out herself!

So… What is it that I have time to do… and CAN do?

Of course, there is cleaning, cooking, reading, quilting (OH, YES), the time to spend with friends and my family (AND YES, AGAIN), and more exploration of this new community. I know that I no longer want to garden. That was nice then … but, not now.

There are “aging” changes that come into consideration … I will go to have a cyst drained on Wednesday (a Ganglion Cyst - at the base of the wrist that was involved in the bike accident 2 years ago). It is hard to do anything much with one hand. There is the probability that I will have to add another medication for high cholesterol (it has always been so good that even my DOCTOR used to be jealous). It is ALWAYS SOMETHING, it seems, since I arrived in my 60s. There are the drooping eyelids that actually are starting to interfere with peripheral vision and push my lashes down! (When will that require surgery?) A least my skin passed the test of the “full body scan” this year; although it looks like skin of an old lady!

So, there is all this surface stuff. Gosh, am I THAT old??? I recently had my hair colored! It is varied color of brown, red and very light brown (blond?) Ray likes it - as do I. It may help me to LOOK younger, but, it doesn’t change the fact that I am moving into another “stage” of living.

The question goes deeper for me… to “What meaning does my life have?” “What can I do to make the world a better place?”

We have been attending the Sarasota UU Church and like it there. I joined a “Chalice Group” (similar to the “Small Group Ministry” that I was involved in in Maine). This topic this week is:

“Be the change you wish to see in the world,” a quote from Gandhi. I think it has prompted even more contemplation for me. But, what change do I wish to see in the world enough that I am willing to make a commitment of time, energy, resources?

The thing that is difficult about change is that it always feels so CHAOTIC during the middle part … not knowing where this will lead … and not being satisfied with how things are to want to “stay put“. I have enjoyed challenges and change in my life. But, sometimes it is unsettling during the changing part.

I will keep you posted on … who I am becoming next … when I have some kind of a clue!